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  • Writer's pictureErin Johnson

Honoring What Is

Updated: Feb 3, 2023

It can be easy to slip into a mindset of longing for how things used to be or could be. When we hang on to desire, it’s hard to accept what is. But it’s important to learn how to let go of our attachments to the past and future to create space for what is, and then celebrate where we are right now.



This is something that recently dawned on me as I reflected on my recent weight gain. I've added on 20+ lbs since May 2022 after having lost 40-50 lbs prior. There were many factors that played into this gain, such as the passing of my 13-year-old dog, financial stress, my husband’s emotional relationship with scarcity, coming off Welbutrin, and beginning perimenopause. In addition, my husband decided to pursue house-flipping and worked around the clock while I practiced single parenting while starting my own small business for 5 of those months. These circumstances left me feeling overwhelmed by what was happening in my life and not focussing on weight loss. In hindsight, I can recognize the inward dread about gaining weight before it even began.


The Power of Allowing What Is

When it comes to honoring what is, it's not about accepting defeat or giving up on your dreams. Instead, it's about recognizing our current circumstances and embracing them with grace and understanding. It's about being mindful and aware of where we are right now—without judgment—and having trust that things will fall into place as they should. This is where real power lies: when we accept our current reality and have faith that there's something greater unfolding for us beyond our limited understanding.


Allowing ourselves to be open to the present moment opens us up to possibilities that may not have been available to us before. Releasing the need to control every aspect of our lives allows us to see more clearly and recognize the open wakefulness of our minds rather than hindering all of this by being unfulfilled and strongly desiring what’s not already here. By practicing awareness around what is here right now—we can expand into the experience we desire without clinging to any specific outcome or result.


The Joy of Honoring What Is

Life is all about learning, growing, and celebrating. It’s easy to get overwhelmed by the lows and forget to celebrate the small victories along the way. And, with awareness, I can observe how the same factors that lead to my weight gain are also victories, and I’d like to share how this has impacted my life for the better.


The Passing of My Beloved Dog, Teo

I said goodbye to my beloved dog Teo after over 13 years together. She lived over a year passed her diagnosis and her passing was based on the difficult decision to end her pain through euthanasia. During her last few weeks, I was able to deeply appreciate the connection that we had and be with her in gratitude for all of the joys she brought into my life. Although it was a heartbreaking experience, allowing myself to feel the depth of this moment allowed me to take stock of Teo’s impact on my life and celebrate. Despite the pain, I was able to find solace in knowing that she left this world peacefully and surrounded by love. This experience taught me how to let go with grace and fully feel my grief from a place of resourcefulness rather than shame, guilt, or loss.


Running The Household Alone While Starting a Coaching Business

My husband recently took on house-flipping as a side business while I began my own coaching business. With two businesses requiring our attention, it became necessary for me to step up and take charge of running our household alone while still showing up in my coaching programs, being vulnerable, and doing the work without judgment or expectation. Despite the challenges of managing multiple responsibilities at once, this experience allowed me to embody strength and resilience like never before – proving just how capable I am!


Financial Stress & Taking Loans To Fund My Coaching Programs

We recently faced some financial stress due to loans taken out by both myself and my husband. We weren’t sure if we could pay my husband's high-interest home loan back in time or if anyone would buy the beautiful house he renovated due to a falling market and rising interest rates. We were in danger of losing the house my family currently lives in. This experience pushed me out of my comfort zone as I had no idea what would happen next or how things were going to turn out. In spite of this uncertainty, however, I was able to connect to my inner resourcefulness, wisdom, and a knowing that there is a much bigger story than I could know and we would somehow be okay.


My Husband's Emotional Struggle with Scarcity

As a woman and mother, it was easy to fall into codependent behavior in my marriage and other relationships. For years, I felt like it was my responsibility to make sure everyone else was happy before I could be happy myself. The more I focused on trying to control the reaction from others, the more trapped I felt. However, over time I realized that by focusing on my own healing and allowing those around me to find their own healing—without trying to fix everything— gave me freedom from my husband's well-being. He gets to be responsible for his own behaviors and healing process, which allows me the freedom to do the same. By allowing myself to release the need to control, I'm finding more peace and balance in my marriage and other relationships.


Coming Off Welbutrin

After finding out that my beloved dog Teo had cancer, I had already been grieving the death of my Father. I was feeling overwhelmed with sadness and fear. I was scared that if she passed away at that time, it would be too much for me emotionally to handle. So I sought professional help and went on a prescription medication called Welbutrin. While the medication did its job of helping me get through this tough period in my life, I realized that what I really needed was not an external source—it was within me all along. Through self-awareness and resourcefulness, I learned how to become my own healer without relying on anyone else or any other substance. Women often experience weight gain when coming off this drug, and yet it felt empowering to take back control over my emotional well-being!


Beginning Perimenopause

Four months ago, I stopped getting my cycle each month. Overnight, I began experiencing hot flashes, moodiness, sugar and salt cravings (something I never had with pregnancy). This can be seen as a loss in some ways because it marks the end of reproductive capability—however, it also signifies a coming closer into relationship with my inner “crone” (an archetypal figure representing wisdom). I have a newfound appreciation for natural supplements, which eased my symptoms associated with hormonal shifts during perimenopause, and I have renewed motivation to support this with nutrition and exercise.


What have you released in your life that you can celebrate today?

In every moment of our lives, we are given opportunities for growth – by learning to let go of desire through awareness and to celebrate what is here now. During this last year, I have had to trust that things will work out despite being unsure of what the outcome would be. This has given me a much greater appreciation for the present moment and the power within each of us to allow what is. My journey through adversity has allowed me to embody strength and resilience like never before – proving just how capable I am and how capable we all can be when we realize we have everything we need within.


Are you holding onto a desire? If so, how can you use this as an opportunity to turn inward, hold it with curious compassion, and celebrate your current wins?


As a woman, mother, soul seeker -If you feel overwhelmed and defeated by your desires, I'd love to support you here in the Loving Awareness Mama Community.


Know that you are not alone, and the community here at Loving Awareness Mama will always be a safe place for you to show up exactly as you are. You matter, and You are loved.




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1 comentario


fields.as
04 feb 2023

Erin, this beautiful and on-point! Thank you for sharing such a relatable part of life that is behind the scenes of what gets unseen when we are staying at the surface of ourselves. Acknowledging what’s painful and being with ourself tenderly as one would be with a baby/child/animal really does give us grace. 💜

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