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  • Writer's pictureErin Johnson

From Hole to Whole

Updated: Nov 4, 2022

Over 3 years ago, I left my teaching job and began my journey to wholeness. I began awakening, spiritually.

Religion confused me as a child, and I grew to believe that my worth was based on trying to be perfect, like Jesus. I felt like there was an empty hole inside of me that I needed to fill with good deeds to be a good person, to be respected, and go to Heaven, rather than Hell. I always presented myself as a happy person, and I have always cared very much about others around me, so no one (including myself) knew how anxious and empty I felt inside.

I spent years teaching teens who had previously experienced severe trauma and I felt undervalued as a teacher. In addition, I learned the severity of my husband's past trauma when I was pregnant with my first child. Then I had 3 kids in 2 years. My second pregnancy ended being surprise twins! I had never wanted more than two children and, although they are each a blessing, I was completely overwhelmed for a long time. My vibration- my Light -became more and more depleted until I felt like I had nothing left to give. I believe that's the real reason I quit, although there are many reasons, and I didn't quite know it at the time.

The irony is that I really didn't quit. I was choosing to rekindle my Spirit and LIVE. I did a SoulCollage after leaving my job, and it was extremely telling. It was a manifestation of my Higher Self. I watched "Becoming Nobody" and was deeply moved by Ram Dass' concept of Loving Awareness." Hence, I decided to create this blog titled: Loving Awareness: A Mama's Midlife Journey in order to manifest the kind of Mother I wanted to be. I wanted to pass this on to my children. In the journey to be this for my children, I began to hold myself in Loving Awareness. I have found my WHOLENESS, BEAUTY, AND CONNECTION.

I began treating my body with love through healthier eating and walking. In the process, I lost 40 pounds. I began meditating, clearing my energy blocks, and healing my inner-child. I joined an intensive women's empowerment coaching program and began my own business as a coach. I became more creative and began singing again and learned to play the guitar. I now enjoy my family and am able to be present and patient with them and the process. I am living my best life because I've learned to view myself as enough and I have opened myself to receiving love.

I know I am not a rare case. I know that my story will resonate with many others out there, and that is why I'm spreading my LIGHT. I now coach women to understand that they do not have a hole inside that needs filling to be whole. They are already perfect, as they come from pure LOVE and LIGHT.

If any of this resonated with you, I want you to know that- not only will you feel whole when you come to this higher love- but you are able to co-create, to live to your life's purpose, and become your higher-self. This moment loves you. Try to Align with that. Create with the Standard of Enoughness in the now. You will feel relief in your body, embracing the knowledge that the Divine loves you simply because you exist.

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